


To Hurt Family Causes More Pain

by KazOfScotland



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Drug Use, Gen, Isolation, Kidnapping, Mental Health Issues, Police corruption, Suicidal Thoughts, previous assault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:56:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29764803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KazOfScotland/pseuds/KazOfScotland
Summary: What if... what if Peterson took more than Grace when he came to Hawaii? What if he took Eric knowing that it would affect Danny most? What if he knew that Eric had a history that would cause this to send him over the edge?Will Danny find Eric and Grace in time?
Relationships: Eric "E-Train" Russo & Danny "Danno" Williams, Eric "E-Train" Russo & Grace Williams
Comments: 7
Kudos: 10





	1. 1998

**Author's Note:**

> Some quotes and scenes are rewritten directly from Hawaii Five-0. I do not make any profit from this and this is just made for enjoyment. No copywrite infringement is intended.

Daniel Williams had never expected to be a parent before he was even in a stable relationship but somehow that was what had happened. He had only been around ten years old when Eric was born and honestly he had expected that Stella would grow up and look after Eric however it seemed as though nearly every weekend she was going out and he was watching Eric. Now that he was twenty two he was realising that he had Eric staying with him more times than not. 

He loved his nephew but he hadn’t wanted to grow up so quickly, he had wanted to be able to go out and get drunk any weekend he wasn’t working, but instead he had to be the responsible one in the family who checked that thirteen year old Eric was looked after and not left on his own. That was what he had always planned on avoiding, being responsible for someone else at all times, at least until he was in a stable relationship and - if his mother had anything to do with it - married. But seeing as Stella couldn’t, or wouldn’t, step up, it had fallen onto him as his parents dealt with their own life’s and Bridget and Matty. 

It was that responsibility that brought him to this exact moment, sitting in accident and emergency while Eric was having stitches put in his arm. The last thing he had expected was to receive a phone call from one of his fellow Police Officers at Newark PD to tell him that the thirteen year old had been picked up at a party and was extremely drunk. No one had filled him in on the details but somehow Eric had managed to cut his arm on the door on his way out of the party to the squad car. 

It was taking every piece of self control that he processed to stop himself from screaming at the teenager for his stupidity to go to a party and drink. He knew that Stella wasn’t the best of role models, especially considering the fact that she spent most weekends out on dates or chasing her latest catch, but he had thought that he and the rest of the family had taught Eric enough for him to at least wait a couple of years. However, he was determined not to over react until he had Eric home and was positive that he was okay. And then he would let the thirteen year old experience every inch of panic and worry that was filling him from top to bottom.

By the time that Eric had turned fourteen years old, Danny thought that his sister had stepped up to be the parent to Eric. It was difficult for him to back off, but he also had to remember that he was only twenty-two and he had never made the decision to be responsible for anyone else. He still checked in on Eric every weekend to make sure that he had everything that he needed and that Stella was still at home to look after him. 

It was information that Danny had never dared to share with his parents; both preferred to believe that whilst Stella hadn’t always made the best decisions especially since Eric had been born, she had grown up into a responsible parent. Danny didn’t have it in him to break their view of Stella, especially when he had been covering for her since Eric had been born. Every time she had left Eric home alone, he had covered and said that she had phoned him to pick his nephew up. What he didn’t know was that recently, Eric had been telling him that his mum was there, and when he called Stella, she had been too scared of his reaction to tell him the truth; Eric was being left home alone nearly every weekend so that she could see her latest hook up. 

That was the only reason that Danny had agreed to be loaned out to New York PD. It wasn’t that far away from Jersey, less than half an hour depending on where in New York he was, and Eric was good. His sister was finally stepping up and he didn’t need to worry about looking after the fourteen year old. He took the assignment because he thought that Eric would be okay. 

And then he received the phone call from his partner. The phone call that would forever change the lives of the Williams’ family. Danny. Eric. Stella. Danny’s Parents. Every single one of them. 

His nephew had been attacked at a party and was being rushed to the hospital in life threatening condition. The scenes that followed next, was something that Danny would never be able to explain. One minute he had been panicking in the bar in New York whilst waiting for the drug deal he was meant to be witnessing to go down, and the next he was rushing to Newark with the hope of getting to the hospital in time to find out what was going on with Eric.   
  


It was quiet as Danny paced the halls of the hospital. Well, it wasn’t quiet, there were a lot of noises going on around them all, shouting of orders between doctors, interns and nurses. Family members crying or praying for their loved ones. Machines beeping steadily in time with the patient's heartbeat. However to Danny all of it was muffled, especially as the events of the last hour ran through his mind. 

Eric was still in surgery. Stella, she had turned up for all of three minutes before she had left again to meet up with her latest boyfriend. And his parents, Clara and Eddie, were currently crying as though their hearts had just been broken, only he didn’t know if it was because their first born grandson may die or because his sister had just destroyed the way that they viewed her. The only thing that Danny could do in that moment was pray and pace. 

All he wanted was an update, an idea of how his nephew was. There was too much going on. Police officers were checking in with them and the nurses every so often, so that they could speak to Eric as soon as possible, and a CPS worker was waiting to speak to Eric and the doctors, because this wasn’t the first time that the hospital had struggled to get ahold of Stella. Child Protective Services had been in and out of Eric’s life, especially due to his lack of school attendance whenever he was with Stella for an extended period of time and other concerns that only Danny, Eric, Stella and CPS knew about. 

He was scared. Terrified, in fact, that he was somehow going to lose Eric. Whether it was going to be that the fourteen year old didn’t make it through surgery, and that really was the worst case scenario, or he was going to lose Eric because this was the time that Stella would have him removed from her custody. Honestly, that wasn’t all that was going through Danny’s head. The police officer, he was trying to work out if he was able to step up and look after Eric, if he was willing to give up his future of being young and stupid to make sure that Eric stayed with family. 


	2. February 2012

Danny couldn’t believe it when he saw the victim aboard the Hawaiian airlines flights. Dave Collins. He had been a massive part of Danny’s life since the fateful night that Eric had been attacked. Collins had been the agent from the US Marshals Service who had been part of the investigation into the attack, but he had also been the one who talked Danny and Eric through everything that they needed to do to protect Eric following his testimony. 

The two had become friends after the case was over and Eric was free to go back to a relatively normal life. But Dave had always made a point of checking in on Eric, and since Danny had left the mainland, Dave had made a point of catching up with Danny’s nephew to ensure that he was kept out of trouble to the best of his ability. Outside of Steve, Dave was his best friend, he had always had Danny’s back, even when most people wouldn’t have. 

When he told Steve and Chin that he and Dave kept in touch, he knew that they thought it was a once in a while thing. But it wasn’t, it was a phone call every fortnight and a text at least once a week to make sure that they knew each other was alive. They always checked in on how each other’s family was doing, especially the kids. They always made sure to share the craziness that was the cases that they had found most hilarious recently, or ones they had been involved in when they were both in New Jersey. 

It was difficult for him, he had lost people who he classed as friends before, but it was different this time. Dave had been his best friend for longer than he had known Rachel, the woman he had married and had a child with. He couldn’t explain what he was feeling, he knew he was angry but he was also heartbroken. It was something that he didn’t know the answer to, all he knew was that he wanted to make sure that Dave got the justice he helped to ensure Eric got, and that he had people who he had to inform because leaving it to anyone else was not an option. 

Danny could barely hold back the tears that were floating in his eyes. He didn’t want to admit to his team just how much the case was affecting him. He wanted to make sure that Dave got the justice that he deserved, and he knew that he couldn’t do that if Steve pulled him off of the case because he thought that he was too emotional. But he had to make sure that he repaid Dave for everything that he had done, and the only way he could do that now was by being the one to catch his killer, and by being the one to let his wife know. 

That was what broke his heart the most, the fact that he knew that he had to phone Marie, Dave’s wife, and let her know what had happened to her husband. The fact that he had listened to her sob down the phone at his words. The fact that the only comfort that he could give her was the promise to find Dave’s killer. All of that, it all broke his heart. He had been on the receiving end of a phone call telling him that someone in his family had been seriously injured. But he couldn’t imagine what it would be like if he was to receive a call telling him that Rachel had been killed, or Grace, or Eric. Or well, any of his family, it was unfathomable. But that was what he had just done. He had just told Marie that Dave was never coming home. 

What made it worse for him was the fact that he knew that he had to phone Eric and let him know what had happened. It was going to be tough, not as tough as the phone call to Marie had been, but somehow the fact that it was his nephew that he had to tell made him feel worse. He knew that Eric wouldn’t take the news well, he never took the news of someone dying well. But it had never been someone that Eric was close to who had died. And Dave, well, he had taken on the role of Uncle when Danny left the mainland for Hawaii. So Danny could only imagine how bad Eric’s reaction was going to be. 

As he started to dial Eric’s phone number he was already starting to regret the fact that he wouldn’t be there to pick up the pieces. He had seen how long it had taken Eric to rebuild himself after everything that he had gone through as a young teenager, but then he had had support, now a lot of that was gone. A lot of that support was missing. 

His fingers drummed against his desk nervously as he listened to the phone ring, and ring, and ring. The knot of worry that had settled in the pit of his stomach the moment he realised that their victim was Dave was only growing bigger by the second. It always terrified him when Eric didn’t answer the phone, but this time it was more worrying due to the fact that Eric had been out of sorts from what he had last heard. 

The call eventually rang through and he ended up at the voicemail for Eric. It worried him when the call rang right the way through. Normally, Eric had his phone glued to his hand or in his pocket, and that meant that calls would never ring through but instead Eric would just hang up on and send him to voicemail after three or four rings. 

“Eric, you little shit, phone me back as soon as you get this!” He barked down the phone. He didn’t know what else to tell his nephew, the kid who he had raised since he was a youngster. Especially as he didn't want to worry him until he was able to explain what happened and answer any questions that he might have. 

Steve felt his heart stop when he saw the photos of Grace, Danny, Rachel and Stan. He hated his partner’s ex-wife for all the suffering that she had caused but he looked at Grace as though she was his own flesh and blood. It was difficult at times for him to get close to people, to get attached, but the two New Jersey natives had wormed their way into his heart and he couldn’t imagine what his life would be like without them. His nightmares had evolved from his dad’s death at the hands of either Victor Hesse or Wo Fat, to either Danny or Grace being hurt because of him, because of their connection to him. 

“Why? Who the hell is this guy?” Chin’s question was exactly what Steve had been wondering. He could understand someone targeting him or Danny, after all they ran the Five-0 task force and would be the logical target, but the fact that this Rick McGuire, whoever he may be, was targeting Rachel, Stan and Grace confused him even more. He could understand it, maybe not accept it, but definitely understand the photographs being of Grace, and Grace and Danny but not the entirety of Grace's family in Hawaii. 

The only thing that Steve could think about at that exact moment was reaching Danny and making sure that Grace, and therefore Rachel, were safe and okay. He knew how he would feel if anything happened to Grace, so he couldn’t even begin to imagine how Danny would feel, especially if he didn’t let his partner know what was going on. If he kept Danny in the dark about hte pictures and anything happened to Grace, or even Rachel or Stan, Steve wasn’t sure that his best friend, his partner would ever be able to forgive him. That is why he ignored Danny’s question as soon as the Detective answered the phone. 

“Danny, Danny. Where are Rachel and Grace?” Steve knew that the worry in his voice would set Danny on edge, but he didn’t know how to stop it at that moment. He knew that he needed the information so that he could figure out what was going on. He needed to know that Grace was safe so that he could focus on his job and find McGuire. 

‘Uh, Grace should be at a tennis lesson right now. Why?’ He could already hear the worry slipping into Danny’s voice, and honestly at that moment all he could think was that he had to find out if Grace was still at tennis and if anyone had turned up looking for her. 

“Pacific Club,” Steve said to Chin before he returned his attention back to Danny on the phone. He knew that his partner was going to blow, his short temper was even worse when it came to his family. “Okay, Danny, listen to me. All right? McGuire’s been stalking your family.” 

‘Hold on. What? What’d you just say?’ He could just imagine Danny in his car at that point. He would be gearing up for a rant. His hands were probably starting to move around as he spoke, as he tried to get answers to questions that he didn’t even want to answer. 

“Okay. We found photos on his computer. We found photos of Rachel, of Grace, of all you guys.” Steve couldn’t believe that he was saying this. He had always thought that whilst he was a target, the rest of his team would be safe. He thought that everyone else was protected, and he couldn’t fathom why anyone would want to target Grace or Rachel. 

‘Slow down. What are you talking about?’ He hated this. He hated that Danny was having to hear that his family was in danger over the phone when there was nothing that he could do. He knew that Danny would feel helpless, however Steve had to make sure that they focused on this like they would any other case. And that was why Steve ignored Danny as Chin turned back to him, having just finished the phone call with Pacific Club where Grace had her tennis lessons. 

“The tennis instructor says a uniform picked up Grace 30 minutes ago. She was with a guy, Rachel said was her cousin.” Steve had his phone on speaker at that point, he knew that there was no point in trying to hide what Chin was saying from his partner. He knew that it wouldn’t work to try and keep the Detective in the dark. When it came to family or friends he was like a dog with a bone that he didn't want to give up. 

‘Hold on. What uniform? What the hell are you talking about, Steve?’ 

“Danny…” Steve wished that he knew what to say to reassure Danny that everything was going to be okay. But honestly at that moment there was nothing he could say, he didn’t know how to tell Danny that he suspected that McGuire had been the one to take Grace, and whoever the other man was. 

‘This is Rachel calling me right now. Do not move. I’ll call you right back.’ He knew that it made him a bad person to be relieved, but Steve would admit that he was because it gave him time to figure out what he was going to tell Danny. It gave him time to figure out how he was going to find Grace and get her home.


	3. February 2012

Eric Russo smiled as he walked through Daniel K. Inouye International Airport, or Honolulu International Airport as it was also known, towards his Aunt Rachel and Grace. Grace was his little cousin, but in some ways she was also his little sister. They had been raised together since the day that Grace was born and this had been the longest that they had ever been separated. He hadn’t been at home when Rachel and Grace had returned to New Jersey the previous summer, so when he thought about it, other than a few video calls, he hadn’t seen Grace since the day that she left for Hawaii with Rachel. 

He could see Grace bouncing up and down, trying to pull her hand out of Rachel’s so that she could charge towards him in excitement. He knew that it was exactly what she wanted to do because she had done it to him before when he had been away from home for extended periods of time. He knew that whilst he knew Grace was his cousin, and she was aware that he referred to Danny and Rachel as his Uncle D and Aunt Rachel, she viewed him as a sibling. She had said it before, that he was her big brother and that she missed him wherever they were separated for longer than a week. If they were apart for any length of time, Grace always became excited when he came home or she saw him for the first time again. She would live up to the nickname of Monkey, and cling to him like a monkey. 

He dropped his bag as soon as he was close enough that Rachel could see him clearly. She looked slightly annoyed by Grace’s behaviour and the fact that she was standing inside the airport to collect him from his flight rather than his uncle Danny. However, she let go off Grace’s hand and let the nine year old charge at him. All Eric did was pause in his step next to his bag, and let Grace run straight into him. Once she was there, he lifted her and hugged her tight. 

“Hey Gracie,” he whispered in Grace’s ear as she wrapped him in a welcoming hug. He let her settle herself in his grip before he bent sideways whilst being careful not to drop the youngster and grabbed his bag back up onto his shoulder. 

“Eric,” Rachel’s voice was nowhere near as warm as it used to be before she and Danny had separated, however she looked him up and down as if she wanted to check that he was okay and she didn’t need to worry about him. “Danny’s got a case, however if you want to spend time with Grace she has a tennis lesson.” 

“What do you say, Gracie, can I come along to your tennis lesson?” Eric asked as he shuffled his little cousin a little to get her attention before he followed Rachel outside with Grace clinging to him like the monkey that she had always been. He was glad to be with his family, however he was dreading telling his Uncle Danny that he had decided to visit Hawaii without contacting him first. And he knew it would be worse when Danny found out that Rachel had known. 

“Yes! Yes! Yes! Can he mummy, really?” And just like that the nine year old was off and talking with a tone flooded with excitement. This had been what he had missed at home. 

Eric would happily admit that watching Gracie’s tennis lesson was beyond boring but the fact that she would smile widely at him whenever she so much as glanced his way or he cheered on her for doing something well, that all made it worth it. But this was not something that he would do again in the future, not unless he was forced to because he knew there were far more useful things he could be doing. 

However, when he heard the voice come from the gate, he knew that something was up. He recognised the voice in the back of his head but he couldn’t put a finger on why. “Excuse me. Grace Williams?” He turned his head towards the man as he opened the gate and started walking towards Grace. At the same moment that the man dressed in police uniform started to approach Grace so did Eric. 

“I’m Officer McGuire. I’m here to pick up Grace.” There was something wrong there. Now Eric knew that he had issues with anxiety and overthinking things. It had led him to a great deal of trouble, but this time was sure that something was wrong and it wasn’t just his mind overthinking things. 

“Is everything all right?” Grace’s tennis coach asked, as Eric reached Grace and pulled her up into his arms. Whatever was happening, he wasn’t leaving Grace. He had sworn the day that he found out about Grace that she would never suffer though anything that he had and he would always protect her, even from himself. 

“Her father had a little accident.” Eric could feel Grace shudder and let out a silent gasp as the police officers words. The twenty seven year old, who honestly had the mental age of a twenty year old, felt the exact same way as he knew that his little cousin was. Danny was the rock for both of them and the idea of anything happening to him was too much for them to handle. 

“Is he okay?” It was Grace who managed to speak first. All Eric could feel was his heart pounding against his chest as he tried to fight off the panic attack and urge to hide everything that he was feeling. 

“Yeah, sweetie, he’s okay. I just got to take you to the hospital, all right?” McGuire replied. 

“Where’s my mum? Or Uncle Steve?” Grace asked as she pushed against Eric so that she could stand on the ground on her own two feet. And in that moment Eric was in awe of her strength. He was breaking but she was holding tough and making sure that everything was as it should be. 

“They’re both with him at the hospital waiting for you and your cousin.” McGuire answered with a nod towards Eric. Eric couldn’t figure out how McGuire knew who he was but he was just hoping that it was because Rachel had told the police officer and not for some other reason. “Now, I don’t want you to worry, alright? He’s okay.” 

“I’m not supposed to go with strangers.” Grace was doing everything that she had ever been taught to do, and whilst Eric tried to stop the on-coming panic attack, he also felt overwhelming pride at how mature the nine year old was being. 

“I’m not a stranger. I’m a policeman. And I’m also an old friend of your dad’s.” McGuire was doing a good job of reassuring Grace, and despite the voice in his head telling him that something was wrong, Eric turned his focus away from the police officer and onto himself. “You know your old house in New Jersey, the one up on, um, Laurel Forest Circle? The one with the bad garage door that used to drive your father crazy?” At that point even Eric, who wasn’t paying enough attention to realise what was going on, was beginning to believe that Danny and McGuire were old friends. “So why don’t we go see your daddy, okay?” 

Before he really thought of what was happening, Grace had one hand in McGuire’s and one in his and they were following McGuire out towards his car and away from the tennis courts where the coach was. 


	4. February 2012

Eric wrapped his arm around Grace’s shoulders as they sat in the back of the car. He knew that something was wrong. He could feel it in the way that his hands were sweating, the way that his heart was racing. He knew that it was a sign of his anxiety, but he knew who the police officer was. He had recognised him as soon as he had seen him, but to begin with he hadn’t thought much about it. But when the car had pulled out, he realised that they hadn’t turned in the right direction to go to the hospital. 

So he did the one thing that his Uncle Danny and every professional he had been to see had taught him not to do. He started to obsess. He started to think of the worst case scenario, and then he started to think back in time, back to when he was regularly seeing his Uncle Danny and the fellow officers that his uncle had worked with. It took him a few minutes but then as the man moved, he realised who it was. Rick Peterson. 

He knew who Peterson was. Peterson had been his Uncle’s training officer when he ahd been a patrol officer. But Peterson had also been dirty, and dirty cops were one thing that his Uncle Danny couldn’t stand. He hated people who disrespected the badge and gave people a reason not to trust the police. He hated those who made their job more difficult. 

But with Peterson, from what Eric could remember, it was worse because he was his uncle’s role model, his uncle’s friend. He had been someone who he looked up to, but then he had betrayed the badge. It hadn’t been pretty, that was one thing that he could remember. He could remember the way that his uncle had been judged by the other officers that he worked with. 

But the worst of it had been the way that Peterson had reacted. His hatred that was aimed at Danny was too much to bare, and he knew that this was not going to end well. All he could hope was that Peterson would leave Gracie alone. He would rather take the brunt of it rather than let the youngster suffer. 

When Peterson eventually got to the storage units, Eric had to fight every single instinct that he had urging him to run away. He hated everything about the situation, he hated that he was debating leaving his little cousin, the little girl he looked at as a sister. But he wanted to run. He wanted to escape because he didn’t know that he could handle whatever it was that Peterson was going to put them through. 

But Grace didn’t deserve it, and it was his job, his role as her big cousin to protect her. He knew that he had to do everything that he could to make sure that this didn’t scar her the way he had been scarred when he was fourteen. He knew that all of that was going to come up again. All of that was what he was going to have to endure today. 

He let Peterson drag him out of the car, he let him pull him towards the storage unit that was full of photographs of every type of crime scene that his uncle had ever visited. He let Peterson hit him over the head before tying him to the metal pipe against the storage unit wall. He knew that this hadn’t been Peterson’s plan, he hadn’t been a part of Peterson’s plan. But he also knew that Peterson had a really good idea of what he could do to break him and therefore break Danny. 

He knew what was coming, he knew that if he spoke it would be the wrong thing to do. So he sat there, silently, staring at him whilst he felt true panic build inside of him. He knew that this was more than just his normal worries. This was more than just Post Traumatic Stress, this was more than just nightmares as a side effect of his past. This was someone who wanted him and Grace to suffer so as to make Danny suffer. 

Grace had always been taught to be tough. Grace was always the one who everyone tried to protect, who everyone looked out for. But they had always taught her to be tough, or to pretend to be tough. That was the only reason that she wasn’t crying, that was the only reason why she wasn’t screaming. She had been taught to be tough and everyone had always told her that her dad, her Danno would find her. 

She wished that he was there now. She wished that she hadn’t trusted the police man. She wished that the policeman hadn’t taken Eric away. She wanted her Danno and she wanted Eric. She wanted out. She wanted to go home. 

The policeman had dragged Eric from the car first, but they were nowhere near where he had told her they were going. She may be young but she knew that they were in trouble, she knew that they were in enough trouble that Eric was worried, and not his usual type of worried nervousness. And that was why when the policeman pulled her from the car, she went along with it. That was why she didn’t fight as he tied her up to her chair. 

The only thing that gave away her fear was the fact that she let the tears fall. That was why she let her tears run as she waited. She didn’t know how long it would be before her dad got there. All she could do was let her tears fall and hope that it was soon because whilst she was only young, she knew that Eric would be suffering. She knew that this would be tough on him because she had been awoken so many times whilst growing up by Eric’s screaming nightmares. 

The relief that Danny felt when he found Grace was only marred when he heard her speak. When he heard her question where Eric was. At first he was concerned as to why, and then remembered what Steve had said. Grace had been with someone who Rachel had referred to as Grace’s cousin. The only cousin that Grace had who would be in Hawaii without telling him was Eric, and that made the situation so much worse. 

Peterson had been one of the police officers who had been called out to the party where Eric had been attacked as a teenager. Peterson, he had been Danny’s best friend, and he knew what Eric had suffered through and the long, long journey that he had to get to the point where he was about to function in everyday life. He knew that Peterson was so annoyed by Danny’s part in his conviction that he would willingly make Grace and Eric’s time with him as horrible as possible just to make Danny suffer. And that, that realisation was enough to reignite the panic that he had been feeling since he had found out that Peterson was back and had taken Grace. 

“Danno, you’ve got to get Eric!” The tears that were still falling showed just how terrified she was, but she had that Williams protective streak as well. She wanted to protect her family as much as they wanted to protect her. She had that urge to protect her family no matter what was happening, she had that urge to protect her family regardless of the situation, the urge that was the exact same as Danno’s. The urge was the same as the one that led Eric to comply and follow Peterson’s instructions. 

“I know, Monkey, and I know you’re scared but did you see where Eric was taken?” Danny had never been so glad in his life for the fact that he was a parent as he questioned his daughter. There’s this skill you gain when you become a parent, where you can make everything seem perfectly okay or really exciting when everything is really the opposite. He was glad to have that skill because he could feel the panic and anxiety that he normally only felt when Grace was concerned now beginning to boil up towards the surface. 

“There was another unit like this,” Grace answered before her head settled against his neck. It was quiet but still loud enough that he could hear her clearly. It was only becoming clearer just how scared she was, although Danny hadn’t yet figured out if his Daughter was scared for her own well-being or if she was scared for Eric’s. 


	5. March 2012

Eric could feel his hands shaking as he walked from his grandparents house to the subway station. He was determined that he was going to do this though. He was going to make it to speak to the therapist about everything that had happened. There was no way that he could tell his uncle about the fact that he wanted to die. He couldn’t tell his uncle that the nightmares were so bad that he didn’t sleep more than an hour or so at a time. 

He hated that he felt this way, he hated the fact that he couldn’t have the fun that others had claimed that he was a stick in the mud. He hated it and wanted it to end. He wanted it all to be over, once and for all. He never wanted to feel like this. He would never wish this on anyone. 

The fact that he lived in constant fear, his heart would start racing randomly as he walked down the street, it was unbearable. The fear was constant, he couldn’t walk more than five steps before he looked over his shoulder, he had to convince himself that nothing was going to happen every time a police car drove by. The dark cloud that he had fought to escape when he was a teenager, but now that it was back he didn’t know what to do about it. 

He missed his family. He missed being able to just go home and his Uncle Danny would know if he was having a bad day. He missed the fact that on some of those bad days he could hide away and if Grace was there she would convince him to watch a movie or play with her. He was a New Jersey native and his Grandparents, and his aunt Bridgett, and his mum were still in New Jersey, but he felt as if he had no family to turn to. 

His mum, Stella, was still more interested in her own life, and his aunt Bridgett had her own family to worry about. And whilst he would go to his Grandparents when he was younger he was aware of the fact that they were getting older and they didn’t need to be dealing with his issues or worrying over him. That was why he frequently found himself here. 

The quiet would get too much. The silence would overcome him, the quiet turning to panic, he’d jump at every noise. He’d be too scared to stay in the house and end up outside walking so as to stop the quiet with the loudness of traffic. He loved Newark but he knew that it was louder in New York. 

The louder that it was in New York the easier it was for him to hide from everything. The louder that it was in New York the easier it would be for him to just float away and end the nightmares permanently. 

Danny Williams liked to pride himself on the fact that he was a good Detective but he was an even better father. He loved being a Detective, he loved being able to stop criminals from making the place where his kids grew up safer. But he loved being a father more. Grace was the entire reason he moved to Hawaii, but she wasn’t his only kid. Eric may be his nephew biologically, but the youngster was every part his kid as Grace was.

Despite how much he prided himself, Danny was as loath to admit that he had hesitated when he got that feeling in his gut that something was wrong. At first he thought it was just the fact that he hadn’t spoken to Eric for a few days and that Grace was over on the mainland with Stan and Rachel. 

But even as he tried to get on with his day, the niggling feeling in his gut grew and grew. Steve had spent the entire day telling him that he needed to relax and stop worrying as much. He tried to follow Steve’s advice but he couldn’t. It was parental instinct that something was wrong. 

The first thing he did was phone Grace, but all she did was tell him what she had been doing in California with Rachel and Stan. She was fine and there was nothing for him to worry about. But yet, that niggling feeling continued to stay in his gut.

So he phoned home. He was sitting at his desk, his head resting against his left hand whilst he held his phone to his ear as he waited for either his parents or Eric to answer the phone. He had thought that letting Eric go back to his parents would be enough to stop him from worrying, or at least be enough to lessen it. But today that wasn’t working. 

He was just about to give up when finally his mother answered the phone. She instantly started asking him about Grace and how everything was in Hawaii. The way she was talking told him that she was trying to distract him. 

“Ma, ma, wait a minute,” Danny tried to interrupt. His mum was definitely one of those parents who had to ask as many questions as possible without giving anyone a chance to answer. “I know you want to catch up but where’s Eric?” He demanded. He knew that his mum would be annoyed at him for not having the respect to listen to her, but he couldn’t stop himself. He loved his mum but his children, and that included Eric, would always come before being respectful to his elders. 

‘He went out for a walk, a couple of hours ago. I’m sure that he’ll be home soon enough, Daniel.’ He felt his heart start to race, much like he expected Eric’s to be. It hurt though to hear his mother speak about Eric in such a dismissive way, because he knew that it meant that he had left him in place where his supports had been taken away one by one. And that meant that his worry about Eric was needed. 

“Ma, I’ll phone you back later,” Danny stated as he pulled his phone away from his ear and pressed the end call button. He needed to speak to Eric, he needed to make sure that he was okay because the last time he had felt this feeling had been in the aftermath of Eric being attacked when he was fourteen years old. And in the aftermath of all that he had suffered, Eric had tried to kill himself, and that was something that he would never allow Eric to try again. He had made a promise that day, and he would keep it, even if he was about five thousand miles away. 

He knew that his phone was ringing in his pocket, he knew that it was probably a member of his family checking in because his Uncle Danny had asked them to, he knew that he should answer. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t bring himself to take his eyes off the pile of pills that were sat in the palm of his hand. It would be so easy for him to just take them and end it all. 

He could swallow them down and chase them with a swig of vodka. It would be so easy for him to do it. Except he wanted his phone to stop ringing. He wanted to drift off to his peace without an incessant ring in his ears. He wanted to go to his endless peace without any concerns of his family at home. That was the only reason that he stopped looking at the pills in his hand, he couldn’t do it, he couldn’t end his life if he wasn’t going to get the peace that he desired so much. 

So he carefully closed his fist around the pills in his hand whilst he pulled his phone out of his pocket and spun it around so that he could look at the called ID. It was at that point that he froze. The name on the screen was his Uncle Danny’s and he was the one person who he didn’t think he could lie to. But he also couldn’t ignore him, because he knew that if he did and then his uncle found out what he was planning, the guilt of that would eat his uncle alive. And that was something that he couldn’t do to Grace or his Uncle, not when they were all finally happy again. 

With his eyes closed and a deep breath to calm his nerves, Eric pressed the accept call button on his phone and lifted it to his ear. It was as though he had resigned himself to the fact that he had to deal with one more thing before he was free. 

“Hey Uncle D!” He tried to make himself sound like his normal excitable self but he knew as soon as he spoke that it would fall flat. He knew that his Uncle wouldn’t believe him because his voice was almost breaking with every syllable that he spoke. And even if it wasn’t, his uncle was like a bloodhound when it came to something being wrong. 

He could feel the tears pricking just behind his eyelids. What he didn’t know was if they were from shame, relief or everything being so overwhelming. He tried to hold back the sobs and the tears but the dam broke as soon as he heard his Uncle speak. 

‘What’s wrong, Eric?’ It was as if it was the first time that he had been given the freedom to express how he felt. It was like he could finally unload it all, and as he did, the tears started to fall and the sobs began to choke him. 

“I want it all to end, Uncle D. I’m sorry…” He could only keep repeating the same two sentences over and over again as he turned to look at his hands and the key to his freedom from all the pain. The key that came in the form of little pills that he could swallow down followed by some Vodka to make it the perfect disastrous mixture. 

‘Eric, listen to me kid, I need you to tell me where you are.’ Danny’s voice broke through his repetitiveness but he could only sit there numbly as he tried to remember where he was. ‘I am going to get you help, kid.’ 

“Promise?” Eric asked before he rattled off the name of the park that he was in. He wasn’t sure why he asked his uncle if he promised, his Uncle Danny had never lied to him before and he doubted that he would ever lie to him now. 

‘Of course, kid. And I promise I’ll see you soon.’ Eric still felt as though he was drowning, but there was something reassuring about his uncle and how he explained everything. It was as though he knew that it would all be okay because Danny was going to be there and he was going to deal with it. 

And really, that was why he went to New York in the first place, but now he wished he had stayed. There was going to be a long road that he would have to travel but he would get there, he would be okay, eventually. It was just going to take some time to be whole again. 

‘Talk to me, Eric.’ His uncle’s begging voice was all that pulled him out of his hole of self distraction. 

“I want to come to Hawaii, once I’m better,” he knew he shouldn’t be making decisions like that now. He had been through this before, he should stay where everything was familiar and he had a support system that he knew and trusted. But Hawaii had his Uncle D and Grace. And both of them were the best support system he could ever have or need. 

‘We’ll see okay, it’s not a no. We just need to see what the doctors say.’ Before Danny could elaborate any further, Eric looked up to see two police officers approaching him. Help was here, and all because his Uncle had no idea of when to give up and let something lie. 

“Thank you.” 


End file.
